1. Cuz most straight men are pathetically homophobic and even fashion-conscious gay men don’t seem to favor lace. Thus, a scarcity of lace on the bods of the menfolk. A+B=C, get it?
2. Because blue and green and gray lace, for example, are hard to find. Those are manly colors, and manly men don’t want to forgo them for like-a-virgin white, nursemaid cream or pretty in pink. Duh. It’s a simple color diversity problem.
3. Because most men still don’t recognize what many women know to be true: it hurts to be beautiful. That’s right. Do you think women LIKE the feel of itchy lace on our tits and ass? Not really, but we do it because it’s pretty, goddammit. This is an aesthetics appreciation problem.
4. Lace is delicate. It rips easily. Many men enjoy how easily it rips from a female form, but wouldn’t stand for such flimsiness in their own choice of attire. Why? Because many men (oh boy, I sure am enjoying all these generalizations!) practically need to live in a brown canvas jump suit, or any other material that can handle profuse scratching, farting and not show grease stains.
5. Because Calvin Klein still won’t design lacey men’s underwear (I’m thinking steely gray, silk lace thong briefs- very sexy and simple). I’m not sure why. I’ve tried to persuade him, but goddammit, he won’t fucking listen. I just wanna see billboards of men in lace underwear. Is that too much to ask?
6. Because there’s no Victoria’s Secret for men. Really, now . . . it’s just pure discrimination. Hello! Ever heard of man-gerie!
7. Because Lacey is a girl’s name. Women don’t wear any fabrics called Bob or Stew or Herbert, so there ya go . . . it’s a nomenclature problem.
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