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Caught on the Barbed Wire of Sensation

Tuesday, October 24, 2006

10 Great Things about Popov Vodka




1. It may not be Hangar, but it's on sale now for only $10.99 at Long's for 1.75 liters. Let me repeat that, folks: 1.75 liters in a handy dandy plastic grip jug! This is so great, because you know how important it is to be able to easily grab the bottle from the fridge in the morning when you're crawling on the floor in desperate need of some hair 'o the dog. You really need all the help you can get at that point.

2. Because it's Russian, or at least that's what the mysterious makers of Popov want you to believe, I mean, they weren't kidding around with the black silhouettes of Russian style monasteries against a red background. Picture of Russian skyline on bottle and common, easily recognizable Russian surname = Russian. It's that simple.

3. Because you drank it in high school. Why change a good thing? You thought you were pretty cool then, maybe you can be cool again for only $10.99. What have you got to lose aside from a few brain cells? Don't be a pansy. Russian people don't like pansies.

4. It's a taste of Russia (see cultural authenticity above). Russian people drink vodka and they don't spend $50 a bottle so why should you? Drink up and save!

5. You can reuse the handy dandy plastic grip jug when you're done with the vodka. Really. Take it to the gym and share with friends, after all, you can put a whole 1.75 liters in that thing AND it has a cool, edgy picture of a Russian skyline. You'll have a whole slew of new friends.

6. While we're on the whole drinking-Popov-makes-you-cool thing, why not try sporting the handy dandy plastic grip bottle at other social events or in public? Make sure to keep only water in it, of course, as drinking in public is illegal. Also, brace yourself for the warm reception you'll receive from passerby, especially those sitting on the sidewalk with blankets and stuff.

7. We're talking about image here. Image is everything, or haven't you heard. Do you really want people to think you're one of those annoying connoisseur types with a Dean and Deluca spice kit who subscribes to Food and Drink Snobs of the World Quarterly? Or, do you wanna be cool, ya know, punk rock, urbane with a touch of real-world humility? You can either hang with the cool kids or go crying to your mama.

8. Once you really get down with your 1.75 liters of Popov vodka, you can then enjoy Popov 100 proof! Another member of the Popov vodka family! Whoo hoo! You're gonna need it to get your party on anyway, as once you finish that handy dandy plastic grip bottle of the beginner's stuff it's going to take a wee bit more to cop a buzz. That's just the breaks.

9. It goes really well with Camel cigarettes, or any other quick burn smoke. Really, give it a try, even if you're not a smoker, you can always start, I mean, you DO wanna be one of the cool kids right? Besides, once you drink a french jelly jar full of the Pop, you'll smoke anything.

10. I drink it, genius. So get with the program and party barbiturate bimbo style!

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